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洗洁精技术【雅思作文批改】55.5分:没有完成题目问题,思路需拓展-考雅吧

【雅思作文批改】55.5分:没有完成题目问题石一歌 ,朴彩英思路需拓展-考雅吧
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作文题目:
Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered祁国晟 ? Within these factorsca4516 , do you think anyone is more important than the others?[b1]
作文内容:
It is universally acknowledged that economic progress is of vital importance to a country and its citizens. When taking [b2]about successful countries, the US as well as other developed countries come into people’s mind. There are many factors can explain their success and social scientists even came up with a complicated index. People with different backgrounds have different opinions on it.
Someone claims that the economic progress should be on the primary position. Economic progress usually is measure [b3]by the total value of the gross domestic product in one area and it determines the productivity consumption ability and social wealth of one country. According to the utility function from the economic theory, the more products consumed,洗洁精技术 the happier the individual tends to[b4] be usually[b5]. For example, the clear water and enough food is not accessible to the majority of people in extremely poor countries and they rely on the international aids come [b6]from developed countries and other international charities while the middle class people which [b7]take the main part of citizens in the developed countries can easily afford decent life. The working time of two kinds of people may be similar but the people of rich countries can definitely produce more and get paid generously.
Others may maintain that wealth not always brings[b8] benefits and sometimes it will even become burden. In fact, the richest person is not the happiest person and happy [b9]is an emotion which does not cost a lot. People should chase for the optimistic attitude and spiritual life instead of being addicted in materialism.
In my opinion, it is undeniable that the economic progress is the most important one. Successful countries should provide its citizens[b10]. Economic progress is the stone of a successful country definitely and the government can provide other social services like [b11]education and medical aid with the enough budgets.
[b1]第一个问题是哪些其他原因应该考虑到异世食仙 ,第二个问题是你觉得有没有什么原因最重要。文章应该是第一段说有些人认为经济进步温州名师网,但还有其他因素要考虑,接下来第二段是admittedly李庆雄 , the economic basis is the foundation of …,论述经济的重要性,然后第三段是该考虑的因素一,第四段是因素二绝顶唐门,最后一段总结,表明立场
[b2]talking
[b3]被动,be measured by
[b4]very good ^_^
[b5]放句首会更好
[b6]用非谓语coming
[b7]who
[b8]和上篇一样的问题,doesn’t always bring
[b9]happiness
[b10]provide sb. sth. 少东西
[b11]书面语用such as
各项细评:

针对问题最大的一点指出问题:
还是没有完成题目问题添富均衡 ,具体见批注墨坛文学网。写作的思路需要拓展。
总体来说比上一次的作文在组织结构和语法上有了进步,论点和逻辑也有改善戴丹丹,不过还存在一些问题四大中锋 。平时在写作中可以有目的的练习。
附批改原图:

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